A Taste of Things To Come at Tottenham?
Two universes collided today at the new multi-million pound Tottenham Hotspur stadium in north London. The obscenely overpaid prima donnas who live their pampered lives in a parallel dimension to that which the rest of us mere mortals inhabit faced a football team from the Coal Face of soccer as it is played and watched by the majority of the population in this country. So – to be brutal – on the one hand, a team of underachievers which never wins any trophies worth mentioning and most people see as a joke anyway would take the field at two o’clock today with nothing to fear other than humiliation and thus a reputation for repeated failure being extended even further. Spurs, after all, have won precisely nothing this century.
But facing them would be a club which has constantly been on an upwards trajectory since the year 2000. Morecambe would start the game with a brand new goalkeeper and central defender at the lower part of the spine of the team and a centre forward at the top of it who has scored better goals this season – and far more of them – than some bloke who plays for England and allegedly leads the Tottenham front line. So remember – they might have the occasional world superstar in their vastly bloated and overpaid squad – but we have Cole Stockton!
Collectively, Cole the Goal, Trevor Carson and Jacob Bedeau would be praying for a clean sheet today. Could it actually happen? Stranger things have done…
Usually, I would go into details about current form and previous meetings before a regular match report. But there never have been any previous meetings between Morecambe and what former star Osvaldo Ardiles (and latterly the Shrimps’ boss’ first Manager at White Hart Lane) always referred to as `Tottingham Hotspur’. Form in today’s context is an irrelevance anyway. Oh – other than to say that the Shrimps came back from three-nil down in their last outing to win 4-3 at home eight days ago in League One. Spurs were given the run-around in their previous match at relatively nearby Stamford Bridge, when they lost two-nil to Chelsea in the League Cup semi-final last Tuesday night. It could have been a lot more, apparently.
So – as has been the case for all of this century so far – Tottenham fell at the final hurdle yet again. There is a second leg of the semi-final yet to come but the fatal flaws (no resilience; no determination and absolutely no bottle) which exist at the heart of the perennially under-achieving north London outfit makes that a formality even before a ball has been kicked. (I know it’s a bit harsh, but I owe a lot of money to a life-long Arsenal fan and he’s beginning to hassle me to pay it back. Best to try and keep him happy…)
Today, though – they should win. And win easily. Let’s dispense with the hype and deal with some pure facts for a moment.
Spurs squander more than the entire yearly budget (except for Cole Stockton’s wages) of the north Lancashire club’s on just a fraction of lots of individual players’ wages in their stable every minute of every working day. Man for man, Spurs are physically and technically superior by a factor of about a trillion percent right across the pitch. (Barring Cole Stockton.) Their manager is paid about a zillion times more in an hour than virtually the entire staff at Morecambe will receive altogether in their entire lifetimes. Ever. (Apart from Cole Stockton.) The training ground Spurs have at their disposal in Cheshunt is worth more per square metre than Morecambe’s entire stadium is by a factor of a million percent (apart from the bit where Cole Stockton gets changed.) The facilities to be found there include cryogenic pods for their better payers to be `retired’ into. (So now you really know where Steve Perryman and Gary Mabutt went…) They are also leading the creation of new, undamaged, body parts by state-of-the-art laser technology which is at the cutting edge of science. So there is literally no comparison to be made between them and the Lancaster University Sports Centre which the Shrimps use other than the Cole Stockton Science Laboratory – which can be found slightly further away and up the hill from Bailrigg village itself near Bowland College. All in all, then – to go back to the introduction – this was a collision between one huge and powerful Universe and a very small and relatively impoverished one (with the exception of Lord of the Universe, Cole Stockton.)
Last season, Morecambe played in front of an empty stadium at Stamford Bridge at this stage – the third round of the FA Cup. Derek Adams’ team at no point even attempted to take the game to their more illustrious opponents and thus lost quite tamely. But Robbo’s style of football is totally different to his predecessor’s.
Very few away supporters would actually expect their team to win today – but all of us would at least hope that Morecambe would give Spurs a run for their money.
As mentioned above, Stephen Robinson has managed to persuade goalkeeper and former stalwart and Motherwell Club Captain Trevor Carson to rejoin him on loan for the rest of the season from Dundee United. Jacob Bedeau has also signed from Burnley for the same period. For both of them – what an introduction to the world of League One football!
Robbo himself wasn’t able to travel to what even for him must have been one of the biggest games of a career because he tested positive for Coronavirus at the Eleventh Hour. What a shame for him personally. Back in the day, he explained:
“My dad got phone calls off Sir Alex Ferguson and then Graeme Souness at Rangers. My brother-in-law wasn’t happy when I chose Spurs as he was a massive Rangers fan, so that didn’t go down well in the family. At fourteen, I had the chance to sign a six-year contract with Manchester United, Rangers and Tottenham, something which is unheard of now. I chose to go to Spurs and actually started when I was fifteen. I had a really bad back injury, a disk problem that needed rehab, I had an operation in Northern Ireland by someone who was considered one of the best surgeons and signed for Spurs injured. It was a difficult start for me as I wasn’t playing. I was in rehab with Gazza. It was the time that he did his knee, so we did our rehab together. He was just an incredible guy, one of the nicest blokes you could ever want to meet and he just knew everybody. He was mad, crazy, funny but he kept everyone going. In terms of his work ethic and class, he was just brilliant. He was great with the young lads. We used to go swimming together when we were both struggling with our injuries. You look back on it now and you took it for granted at the time. He was probably, for me, one of the first superstars in football.”
That was then, though – and this is now. Before being isolated prior to the game today, he said this:
“It’s something that, especially for the fans that they’ve waited for a long, long time. They missed out on Chelsea last year. They missed out on the vast majority of getting promoted. It’s going to be fantastic for them to travel down and enjoy the day. I’ve had nothing but positivity from people since I came here, even when we’ve had a few weeks previously before Saturday where we couldn’t get a win, (and) we weren’t playing particularly well either. I’ve had nothing but positivity from people around the town; from the supporters; from the directors. It’s nice that they get their day in the sun so-to-speak and really, really enjoy the occasion. We are not going there to try and make up the numbers and take pictures and all that stuff which I hate. You can do all that afterwards. We want to make a game of it as much as we can and that’s what we will try and do on the day.”
Opposite number Antonio Conte offered these pre-match thoughts:
“I think for sure this game could be a good opportunity to make rotations and give chances to players who didn’t play so much in the last period. But as you know very well, the FA Cup is an important competition and we want to try to go to the next step and it will be important for us to win the game. It’s always difficult to think, to decide not to start with Harry. But at the same time, in some games if we can take the risk, it’s right to take.”
Harry who?
In the match programme, he added:
“We have to be at our best today. There have been some big cup upsets over the years and we have to respect our opponents and respect the competition to ensure we progress to the next round.”
For the visitors, this was also a trip along White Hart Memory Lane for Jonathan Obika. The local Enfield boy and current Morecambe striker was given his first professional contract by Harry Redknapp at Spurs and spent the whole of his youth career with the club. Jon, indeed, get a bigger feature in the match programme, with a two—page spread – than did his Manager, who was relegated to the Pen Pictures page with a short entry:
Seems a bit disrespectful to me. The biggest photo of our squad was reserved for Burney loanee Adam Phillips, who wasn’t even in the squad today due to injury. How does he manage this? Can someone send me the number of his Agent, please?…
Whatever, it was sunny and dry in North London as kick-off approached. We wandered through the busy streets of Edmonton from where we had parked and encountered Spurs supporters on the way. None of them were hostile and most of them were friendly – welcoming even. Fellow Morecambe supporters also on Missionary Work told us that the away pub recommended by Tottenham was shut – as in closed-down. Not very helpful, really. So – wanting to soak-up a bit of the local flavour in more ways than one – we chose the Bill Nicholson at random very close to the stadium. One of the bouncers on the door explained – very politely – that it was for home supporters only.
Could he make an exception? We wouldn’t cause any trouble, we promised.
He leant towards us conspiratorially and added, in a whisper: “It’s not you I’m worried about. You really don’t want to come in here!” So we didn’t.
Cheerful security bods at the ground told us that Spurs have their own brewery within the new stadium: (https://beavertownbrewery.co.uk/) “Why not try it?” they suggested.
Why not indeed? But first of all, we wandered around and soaked up the atmosphere. And admired the new stadium. White Hart Lane had more in common with late, lamented Christie Park than it did even with our own increasingly beloved new ground. But this place is in a league all of its own…
Another Spurs fan – unbidden – asked if we wanted him to take a group photo – and wished us luck. Then we went in through the security checks and the frankly laughable Covid Pass scanning and entered the hallowed ground of one of Britain’s real religion’s latest Cathedrals. In the Atrium – note the word – were marble floors and an interior straight out of the Amazing Architecture Annual of 2022. Central to the lower part of it was a state-of the Art Bar which would not be out of place on the Queen Mary. This offered lager and their own homebrew in glasses of a type none of us simple Northern Hicks had seen before. The barman put one of these strong plastic things (which felt like a real glass and had REUSABLE stamped all over it) onto a stainless steel dispenser and a hidden jet squirted beer from underneath into it through the bottom of the glass. Red light flashed. When a green one came on, the process stopped. A fellow fan – watching this space-age process with his gob probably as wide open as mine was – lifted the resultant miracle up into the air to marvel at it. Sadly, the hole in the bottom of the glass hadn’t closed and the beer was spurting brown liquid like an incontinent Rhino all over the counter. “Er…” he said to the bemused barman and to me: “It’s no wonder I can never get pissed!” Anyway, I bought us all a pint of “Neck Oil” for over a fiver a throw (well – it is London at an elite venue after all…) It was pale, tasted like Grapefruit to one of our number – but I thought it was like the IPA it was supposed to be and actually very quaffable (nothing like the disgusting Ben Truman stuff I used to drink in places like dingy football club bars in London during the 1970s – which looked and tasted like cold tea with a distinct aftertaste of boot polish…)
We wandered around and were admitted to the Safe Standing area (in use for the very first time today) by an absolutely charming young lady.
Lots of us turned-up. The huge ground was filling up as a presentation was made by legendary Tottenham Skipper Gary Mabutt to officials from our old pals Marine in recognition of the tremendous reception Spurs had received in Merseyside last year in Lockdown for their FA Cup game there. What a nice touch.
But back to Morecambe and our fans. You can spot the fair weather supporters among the visiting crowd which events like this inevitably attract by their lack of any Morecambe regalia. These are the Manchester United and Liverpool oiks who live in Morecambe but you never see at the Maz. And – very sadly – you can often also tell it by their behaviour: foul-mouthed, aggressive and – often – obviously drunk as well. But it takes all sorts and here we are, warts and all.
Morecambe started a little hesitantly and conceded a corner after a brilliant last-minute block by Captain Anthony O’Connor (who again led by example today throughout) on Tanguy Ndombele almost straight away. But they settled down quickly and were soon taking the game to their supposedly far more illustrious opponents. Cole the Goal did what he does and was a problem for the home defence all afternoon and also created a few chances for himself one of which in particular went very close indeed after fifty minutes. He was ably assisted by strike partner Jonah Ayunga, who seems to be regaining the sort of sparkling form he exhibited before being injured earlier in the season. New boys Trevor Carson and Jacob Bedeau looked comfortable in their new roles at the club and I think it’s true to say that any objective observer would have thought that the team in the red strip were the Premiership one as the match grew older. Tottenham’s stars did little; Harry Winks was largely anonymous; Ryan Sessegnon was heckled by his own crowd and the extremely dislikeable Dele Alli lived down to his increasingly poor reputation by doing what you expected him to do: cheat. He should have been booked for diving at least once in the first half in which case he would have been sent off in the sixty-first when he was guilty of an almost laughable attempt to gain a penalty but weak referee John Brooks allowed him to get away with both offences. Apparently, only League One players can be booked in FA Cup ties – Ryan Cooney deserved the yellow card he routinely picks-up but the foul Toumani Diagouraga was on the receiving end of from Alli at one point was far worse than the one he clumsily committed to be booked himself later on.
Morecambe were giving at least as good as they were actually getting in front of a noticeably silent home crowd when they actually took the lead. Alfie McCalmont slung over a fine corner kick from the Shrimps’ left and an unmarked O’Connor was able to steer it past a static Pierluigi Gollini to the horror of the massed ranks of the home support behind him. The away contingent predictably went mad. Until half time, the Shrimps remained the better team. They were quicker to the ball and more committed in everything they did.
The fear, of course, was that they would finally tire. That Spurs’ superstars would be sent on eventually to turn the match around. But until the seventy-fifth minute, the scoreboard in the ground still lregisterd one goal – to the visitors.
Home Coach Conte sent on Harry Kane; Lucas Moura and the lesser-known Oliver Skipp after seventy minutes. Alli was replaced and Sessegnon was roundly booed by the home supporters as he took his time to leave the field at a time at the time when his team were still losing and he deeded to get off quickly. Winks then scored directly from a free-kick which Carson might have done better with after 74 minutes. The new Morecambe goalkeeper then redeemed himself with a top-drawer save from Giovanio Celso with ten minutes left to play. Ryan McLaughlin then lost the ball to Moura on the half-way line with just four minutes left. The Brazil international covered the distance between himself and the Morecambe goal in an instant, cleverly took the ball around the visiting goalkeeper and slotted it home to put the home side into the lead for the first time with the game almost at an end. Then the England Captain wrapped it up for Spurs with a good finish right at the death. For what it’s worth, I think this goal should have been disallowed. Replays show that Emerson Royle clearly fouled Greg Leigh out on the Spurs’ right to set-up the move from which Kane scored seconds later. And 3-1 distinctly flattered the team in the white strip.
But Spurs go into the hat for the next round all the same. For Morecambe, though, this was a moral victory. The players and staff were a credit to themselves. It was a tremendous effort by everyone concerned and augurs well for the league campaign for the rest of the season.
Much later – as I was driving back from Morecambe to home in Carnforth in freezing fog, I passed a young lad who was carrying a bike with an immobile back wheel in the darkness along the Coastal Road in Hest Bank. I took pity on the poor devil (he had carried it almost as far as the petrol station all the way from Westgate in Morecambe) and picked him up, shoved the bike in the back of the van and took him home to a house at the north end of Bolton-le-Sands.
Guess what? He and his family are all Spurs supporters who have just moved to this area.
“Morecambe humiliated us today!” he said. I think that’s probably slightly overstating it – but I didn’t argue…
Finally, a big thankyou to my mate Graham for taking me and finding a ticket which David Freear provided. Thanks for that too David.
Tottenham Hotspur: 22 Pierluigi Gollini; 2 Matt Doherty; 8 Harry Winks; 11 Bryan Gil (27 Lucas Moura 69’); 18 Giovanio Celso (44 Dane Scarlett 88’); 14 Joe Rodon; 19 Ryan Sessegnon (12 Emerson Royal 86’); 20 Dele Alli (10 Harry Kane 69’); 25 Japhet Tanganga; 28 Tanguy Ndombele (29 Oliver Skipp 69’); 33 Ben Davies.
Subs Not Used: 1 Hugo Lloris; 5 Pierre-Emile Højberg; 6 Davinson Sanchez; 48 Maksim Paskotsi.
Morecambe: 30 Trevor Carson; 2 Ryan McLaughlin; 3 Greg Leigh; 4 Anthony O’Connor (C); 5 5 Jacob Badeau (22 Liam Gibson 65’): 17 Jonah Ayunga (14 Jonathan Obika 58’); 8 Toumani Diagouraga (Y) (10 Aaron Wildig 77’); 9 Cole Stockton; 19 Shane McLoughlin; 21 Ryan Cooney (Y) (6 Callum Jones 77’); 25 Alfie McCalmont.
Subs Not Used: 1 Kyle Letheren; 7 Wes McDonald; 15 Ryan Delaney; 16 Jacob Mensah;
Ref: John Brooks.
Att: 40,310. (Un-known thousands from Morecambe. This is the biggest football crowd any Shrimps team has ever played in front of.)
