Should Morecambe Football Club really be in the Scottish Premiership?
Celtic, Rangers… and Morecambe?
There’s been a wee bit of a stramash – as they say – in Scottish football circles recently. In the Scottish parliament – Holyrood – the focus of attention recently has understandably been on SDP Chancellor Shona Robison’s new Budget. But the Scotsman’s Chief Political Correspondent – Geri Mandering – has had her finger on the pulse of a controversy which has been gripping the Scottish Professional Football League (SPFL) community – and much of the nation – since last Saturday night. Ms Mandering has been kind enough to share her thoughts about this with me and this is what she said:
“People who saw or heard what happened after Ross County were beaten at home by Dundee in the Scottish Premiership with the last kick of the game last Saturday are in a very privileged position. They may not realise it, but they were actually witnesses to a significant moment not only in football history here, North of the Border, but also in the contribution that Scots men and women have made to the sum of global literary masterpieces over the centuries. Forget Robbie Burns. Throw the sequel to Graham Greene’s cold war thriller The Third Man which was written by his sister Gretna into the bin. In The Forth Bridge, Greene’s original theme is transferred from the Viennese sewers to the side of a Scottish river with a unique twist. Yes – a twist of Lime – Harry Lime to be exact. But what was said after the game at Dingwall up in the Highlands last Saturday night has a far greater significance than anything Gretna Greene or the Bard of Ayrshire have ever committed to the printed page. Dundee Poet Wullie Oor once memorably wrote:
“Life is aboot breakin’ doon walls;
Everything else is just balls, Jings and Crivvens – just balls!”
He’s right. It’s not a coincidence that the conscience of the British nation as far as the LGBT+ Community is Stonewall. The Cold War itself can be summed-up in its entirety by one iconic image: the Berlin Wall. (Coincidence that it was a Wall and not a Barricade or even a Barrier, both of which have better alliterative rings to them? I think not…) And so the Dingwall Declaration made by Ross County Manager Derek Adams on behalf of the SPFL+ Community will enter the annals of significant world statements such as those made at various times by Nelson Mandela (“Long March to Freedom”); Martin Luther King (“I have a dream”); Boris Johnson and – closer to home – our very own Nicola Sturgeon (“Nothing to do with me, officer!”). This is what he actually said:
“The game was really poor. The standard was shocking – it’s one of the worst games I have ever seen. I’ve been back here and I’ve seen the standard and I think: “Wow – any chance?” If I’m a spectator and I’m watching that today, I‘m thinking: “Is this what Scottish football is all about?” It needs to get up its game. The standard over the afternoon and in the games I’ve seen is so poor. The standard is rubbish. It really is. Over the afternoon, I’m standing on the touchline thinking ‘what a job you have got on here!” If this is the best product in this division, it has to be a hundred times better than it is. If I’m a paying customer at this moment in time, I’m not coming back to watch that, I tell you that. I don’t see any entertainment. If this is the best we’ve got in the country, what are we going to do? I’ve left a team down in League Two that’s miles better than this team. MILES. That’s saying something. We had the bottom budget in League Two and we’re a hundred times better than this – A HUNDRED TIMES.””
Thankyou Geri. What the former Manager of Morecambe FC said on Saturday has not gone down well generally in Scotland. It has been variously described in the press up there as `a rant’; `astonishing’ and an `outburst’ among other generally derogatory coverage. The Ross County fans’ forum – Pie & Bovril – is itself awash with this controversy: 21 pages and counting after just a few days.
The key question posed on there – and being asked by other football fans the length and breadth of Scotland is basically this:
“Would Morecambe succeed in the Scottish Premiership?”
King Derek has clearly implied that they would, even if he didn’t say as much specifically.
So what’s the consensus?
A few brave individuals actually agree with the Staggies’ new boss on Pie & Bovril, even if some of them express it in very unflattering terms:
“Derek Adams is a fanny. Unfortunately, he’s also correct.”
Others don’t:
“Taxi for Adam’s (sic) back to Morecambe.” “He’s unhinged.” “He’s a dick” or a “ginormous fud”. (Don’t look the latter word up before the nine o’clock watershed – one meaning of it is very rude indeed…)
Still more took the opportunity to make judgements about someone else’s football club:
“The only comparable you could have is in European tournaments. Shame Morecombe will never see this. More chance in seeing them in the Diddy League Challenge Cup….for diddies.”
Who are this mysterious `Morecombe’? Do you think – as the` Diddies’ – that they might actually come from Liverpool – Knotty Ash, to be exact?…)
But one entry which really did make me laugh was from a Motherwell fan who also supports an English team which is all Morecambe supporters’ second favourite club of all time. (In twelve EFL encounters, the Shrimps have won ten and lost precisely none against this outfit.) What follows is a cleaned-up version of what he wrote. Mr Adams is
“A chuffin’ blowhard borehole. Being a Southend fan I’ve seen a lot of League 1 and League 2 football – the standard of a majority of the teams (including Morecambe) is chuffin’ atrocious.”
(Where are the Shrimpers now by the way? Given their current plight, the words `sour grapes’ honestly never even occurred to me once when reading the above opinion.)
And so it goes on. And on. And on…
Elsewhere, the sense of outrage about Derek’s scathing evaluation of the actual quality of the epitome of the Scottish game has been shared by some people who know a lot more about Scottish football than Yours Truly pretends to possess. For example, the Manager of fellow Scottish Premiership club Livingstone – David Martindale – took the following very thoughtful slant about what Derek said last Saturday:
“It’s an educated opinion. I’m not saying whether it’s right or wrong but he’s managed in England for nine years. Is he more educated than me? Probably. I don’t necessarily agree with it – 100 times better was an exaggeration. If I was to slaughter Scottish football having never worked down south, everyone would say ‘what does he know?’ We’ve punched well above our weight over the years but finance (limits choices) and the gap in England is getting bigger in terms of finance available for players. I used to be able to recruit League Two or low-end League One. I can’t do that now. National League is a bit of a stretch, I’m now looking at National League North/South. The gap between there and going to Parkhead and Ibrox is big. Our turnover is going down and outgoings increasing, so the money available to recruit is going down and that is probably the same across the board. It’s becoming harder for clubs in and around us to grow their income.”
However, the general tone of reaction North of the Border generally to one of their own speaking home truths about the beautiful game up there was set by the BBC’s flagship Sportscene programme. Presenter Steven Thompson plus pundits Neil McCann and James McFadden condemned what Derek said within hours of him coming out with it. They conspired to say the following, with McCann kicking-off:
“The fact that he’s thrown-in that Morecambe is a hundred times better…”
Thompson: “That’s a stretch!”
McCann: “I think that’s a bit disrespectful.”
McFadden added: “I agree with Neil. When you start saying that his Morecambe team might beat Ross County – but Morecambe wouldn’t come up here and be competitive in the Scottish Premiership.”
I must admit that I wasn’t previously aware that these three `experts’ were so knowledgeable about our club. They clearly watch Morecambe play every week to be so well-informed about the standard of football Ged Brannan’s side are currently producing. (Having said that, I don’t remember seeing any of them at the matches we’ve played recently, strangely enough. Has anyone else?…)
I think only a complete idiot would dream of comparing our club with any other in Scotland in any circumstances without any comparator by which to make any such assessment. The same judgement, of course, equally applies the other way around. I personally have no more idea what the general standard of play is in the Scottish Premiership than most Scottish Premiership advocates do what the standard is in League Two down here. I can’t help thinking though that – year-in and year-out – twelve clubs play a grand total of 468 games every season to decide which of Celtic or Rangers ends up top of the division and which one will come second. Is that too simplistic?
So what’s the difference between Derek Adams and people like myself and the three veteran former pros who were involved in the Sportscene love-in last Saturday night?
Answer: Derek does have a basis on which to make such a comparison.
We need to remind ourselves which of the three presenters of Sportscene has ever managed a League Two club down here in England.
Oh – not one of them has, apparently.
So the subsequent question – which one of this cosy little trio has managed any club in the EFL within the last few weeks? – becomes an irrelevance.
The answer, for the record – and once again – is: none of them have.
Which leads to the final question: which one of these clever clogs has managed an SPFL Premiership club? Ever?
Time’s up. The answer once more is: not even one of them has.
So whose opinion would you trust – the man who is the most successful Manager Morecambe have ever had; who has steered two different League Two clubs into League One and is currently at the helm of a club which he personally took from the outer darkness of Highland football into the Valhalla of the Scottish Premiership where it can be found now?
Or those of three ageing ex-footballers (one of whom is a journalist) who can only dream about any of these achievements and whose very limited experience of English football was gained so long ago as to be almost irrelevant?
Exactly…
Let’s give our abdicated King the last word. Speaking to the Scottish media since his interview on Saturday, Derek says he stands by all he said at the time except for one thing:
“What I probably shouldn’t have done was refer to my former employer and that is something that I do regret.”
Don’t worry Derek. I can just see it now…
